What if caring for you is the best I’ve ever Done?
What if holding your hand, standing nearby while they inserted invasive but critical lines, is the best of me?
Then really, what is left of life.
Your siblings can access resources you could not. They may founder but don’t have to fall.
I miss you. Of course I miss your love most but I miss your anger, your frustration, your struggles, because I could make it better.
Now I don’t know how to make anything better. It’s all so complicated. Not like it was for me and you.
If only you could come back to me. Perhaps I wouldn’t feel like I failed the only test that really mattered in my life.
Keeping you alive.