I feel numb once again. Another young man with Ataxia-Telangiectasia (what my middle son has) has died. It feels wrong to allow this because his mother is rejoicing in his reunion with God, and especially Jesus Christ, his Saviour. I am confronted once again by the mortality of my son, predicted when he was 3. None of us ever know how long we will have our children, I know this, but the loss of a child before your own death is a special kind of agony. My Grandmother Hartley went through it when she lost her son, my Uncle Louis, in World War II. No one in my Mother’s family was ever the same again. Our family has never been the same again either, since Daniel’s diagnosis. People of faith, of which I am one or at least once was, comfort themselves with scriptures and during this young man’s long illness, I did as well. Remembering the doxology, and the familiar Episcopalian part of the church service where the minister says, “The peace of the Lord be always with you” and the congregation responds, “And also with you” in unison before turning to all the people near them and shaking hands and saying “Peace”, “Peace of the Lord” as you smiled into one another’s faces. It is not that I’ve turned away from Jesus or God, but rather been shaken out of the ideas of a “personal” intercessor. The path of love Jesus trod, his Mother Mary’s witness of his suffering, all of it is more like history for me now.
I have found, through Buddhism, a young monk who I can meditate upon. His name is, ironically, Jizo Bodhisattva. He pledged to the Buddha that he would remain until all humans had attained enlightenment, but especially to help protect children from abuse, neglect, disease and pain. Chibi is the name of a baby he is sometimes depicted carrying, this small, young monk who identified so much with the suffering of Mother’s, children, and travelers. I have a Pinterest page with some wonderful images of Jizo if you would like to see him. I’m trying to learn his mantra, “Om, Ka, Ka, Kabi, San, Ma, E, Soula, Ka.” There is a wonderful meditation about Jizo here http://jizoandchibi.com/meditations/. I’ve emailed with Valerie Johns jizoandchibi.com/author/Valerie and will soon be wearing a Jizo and Chibi she was kind enough to personally recommend to me via email.
A rainy day with thunder and lightening has started, perhaps the celebration (complete with fireworks) of Jared Digby’s (http://www.facebook.com/jared.digby) celebratory party in heaven as a young man, A-T free. It’s comforting, and knocks me out of my numbness to think so. May your day be filled with peace and blessings. Jared inspired everyone he met, so may you be inspired by his story, as well as Jizo’s. Namaste’.