Thoughtful blogging.

My last blog post wasn’t very thoughtful.  Hopefully people read all of it and didn’t stop with my whining and complaining.  (oh wait, that WAS all of it!  : D )  Nothing in life comes with guarantees, and I’m very lucky to have the wonderful husband I do.  The fact that I get triggered is my issue, not his, and meditation is the best antidote for that particular problem.  Our couple’s therapist says we are on opposite ends of the spectrum in reference to the Mars/Venus characterization.  I’m as emotional as you can get, and he’s as analytical and logical as you can get.  I’m a female Kirk to his Spock – ha!  For a while our therapy sessions would start like this;  “So, what major life events have happened since our last session?” because we fast forwarded through so much.  In the time most couples would have had decades to go through issues, we’ve had months or weeks to go through.  My husband has honored the vows he made on the day we got married every single moment of every day.  He’s had catastrophic health events happen, plus taking on a whole “needy” family.  He wouldn’t characterize us that way though, he’s not that kind of man.  He really is a prince, and he has given us stability.  While I spin around like a broken accelerator dial on the dashboard of life, he keeps us all on cruise control.

On top of that, he’s helped me to stay more balanced too.  He’s a great Dad for our kids, and he’s the most virile man I’ve ever met.  In other words, the chemistry is still there and I can’t imagine it ever not being there.

I hope this blog entry is more thoughtful than my last post, which was written by Mrs. Hyde. ; <   I try not to let her take over too often.  We’re all human, for better or worse, and the best we can do is keep working on lengthening the pause between action and reaction.  In my case that is going to take A LOT of hard work!  Laying on the grass, even if it is brown from lack of rain, and picking Queen Anne’s lace on our family walk and roll after dinner (two bipeds, two wheelchairs, three quadrupeds/canines) can do a world of good in changing my perspective from that shrunken, self-absorbed me to a woman very grateful for all my blessings – with my husband at the top of the list.  Peace and blessings to all.  Namaste’.

Living with a writer.

This is what it can be like when you live with a writer.  I sent this text message to my husband a couple of days ago.  I’m a shameless gusher, embarrassed, but shameless.

Text Message to My Husband

I love you.

Stating it risks redundancy,

but you who have loved me

through all the rough, raw places;

through hours of insanity

for the blessing of a moment

with sweetness and clarity;

you, who made me believe

I was lovable by staying;

by taking my hand,

even as I pushed yours away,

pretending indifference,

as my heart hemorrhaged fear,

my soul quaking

with the knowledge

that this might finally be the hurt

that turned you away from me

forever.

Even then, brave lover,

you took a chance that it was all an act,

that if you could remain,

the husk would fall away,

revealing tender kernels, plump and sweet

with the juice of innocent yearning.

Holding the very instrument of your pain

tightly against you,

intuitively, you knew

that if you could withstand the agony,

I would melt and meld with you,

and we would rush, warm and wild

through this craggy life

we were thrust into,

that we still have so much of

to live through together.

You, my lover and most steadfast of friends,

are oxygen to the burning embers of my being.

You fill my mind to overflowing

with all the ways to speak those words,

I love you.