Blessed

Blessed by the sunrise,

Even through clouds.

Blessed by the wind,

Though it blows me over.

Blessed by grief and doubt,

Though at times they consume me.

Blessed by laughter and joy,

That tickle my soul to bursting.

Blessed by challenge and pain,

By ease and comfort.

Blessed to endure, to witness,

To open and close.

Blessed by my breath,

Which comes and goes,

Rises and recedes

And ceaselessly changes.

Blessed as the world spins on,

And stars are born and die,

To be here,

An almost invisible pinprick,

In the fabric of the universe.

Odie

From your first day with us,

It was you and me, together.

You, who were the last tie to our boy,

You, who were always home with Daniel,

With me.

My running partner,

Who explored the wild and untamed,

Who sat with me through laughter,

And so many tears.

Never leaving me,

Always present with your silent understanding,

And comfort.

I am pretending.

That life goes on,

That another sweet dog can help,

To fill the enormous gap you left.

But I miss you my darling boy.

My darling boys.

And I refuse to be reproached,

For mourning you and missing you both,

And wanting for both of you,

Desperately,

To come back.

Even for just a moment,

To come back.

Closed Eyes

(Dedicated with gratitude to Sam Harris and The Waking up app team)

There is so much to witness,

Behind closed eyes.

I never knew to look,

But now I perceive,

The changing images,

And shifts of light and darkness.

A world I never knew,

Rich in mystery,

Never realized.

I used it,

as a shield to not be,

Not feel,

To escape.

Now, the veil vanished,

I appreciate,

A richness that leaves me in awe,

Of all I did not see.

Grief

Grief,

Is so sweet and tender.

A deep connection to those we have lost.

an intense separation.

How terrible and marvelous,

That we can feel this deeply,

This cellular inter-habituation,

With beings we love.

Grief may be the highest form of such love,

For it urges us on,

To reach again,

Knowing the terrible cost of loss,

Yet so precious we cannot ignore it’s calling,

Without a precarious divorce from our selves,

From our hearts,

Which hopefully never stop welcoming,

The seasons of relationship,

That invite us,

Over and over, to be better,

To love more,

To grow in grace and wisdom,

And in knowing the immeasurable gifts,

Of being born human and flawed,

And still capable,

Beyond death, of more.

We leave the light on

We leave the light on,

To guide you home,

To circle, plop and sigh.

Taking up most of the bed,

With your long, lithe frame,

Silver-gray in the moonlight,

Even in complete darkness,

Shining.

Lighting our nights with love,

Softly stroking your velvet ears,

Gazing at the gentle glow of your half-lidded eyes,

At home, in bed, with your family.

Those you loved and trusted,

Who loved you so deeply in return,

And gladly shared our bed,

Of safety and protection,

Of affection and connection.

So empty, this bed, without you.

But we have left the light on,

To guide you home, to guide you back

Anytime, in anyway, that this sacred separation,

Allows.

For Odie

Goodbye, our dear companion,

Who ran every trail with us,

Slept beside us and our children.

You rescued us,

Left tied to the door of an ASPCA shelter,

Alone in the cold night.

Fostered in a condo too small,

For your great spirit.

You appeared in our lives at the perfect moment.

You created a love for each other,

That transformed us,

Never to be the same.

You never stopped learning,

So intelligent,

So full of empathy for your humans,

As we stumbled to learn with you.

You brought us light,

In times of darkness,

Joy in times of sorrow,

Peace in times of turbulence.

A best friend,

Who listened without judgement,

A balm to wounds that were so deep.

How can we possibly say goodbye?

We can’t.

Only farewell, for now, our dear one.

We know you will wait for us,

To rescue us once again,

From fear, from our innate refusal,

To embrace the fragility of life.

We will dream of you,

Running the miles of road and woods,

Navigating the unknown.

You lead us on the path before us,

And we will never be without you.

Your perfect love that made us whole,

By chance or some divine intervention.

We let you go,

Only to give you the peace,

You gave us.

Here or gone,

It is you who have owned us,

Never the other way around.

Goodbye and goodnight our sweet love,

And safe travels to that place,

Where Dan and Drake and Winston,

Are waiting to greet you,

And where we will join you,

Some joyous day.

Love and self-awareness

Which is the greater mystery?

Love or self-awareness?

Both are formless,

Yet take on many forms.

Both intangible,

One cannot grasp them.

Try to catch a wave in the ocean,

Or hold a candle’s flame.

Gaze in the mirror long enough,

And whom do you see?

Love and self can both be prisons,

Or set us free.

The more we seek to understand them,

The further they slip from our reaching fingers.

Your eyes

Do you know dearest one,

That your eyes never changed?

As your body was transformed,

By faulty genes?

Poor transcription of the instructions,

Caused so much suffering.

But your eyes, those beautiful eyes,

Brilliant with all the light of your soul,

Could not be dimmed.

They shine for me still.

In memory, in reverence.

You, who gave me, gave us,

So much.

No force, in all the universe,

Can take that light,

From all of us who loved you,

And love you still.

A prayer

I do not know,

What formless form,

Brought forth the spark,

That illuminated the world with love.

Perhaps, the same who scattered countless stars,

And planets;

Set the universe in motion,

In endless turnings and transformations.

I only ask, humbly, with my hands enfolded

Upon my heart,

That my words be guided,

With effortless grace.

Whether in work or in repose.

That this force flow through my hands,

For healing.

I ask that you grant me the fuel,

To sustain this tiny, single flame,

In the one small corner of the world I inhabit,

And multiply,

In every living creature.

Joining together the multitudes,

Who wish this just as I do.

Until the fire, begun by that single spark,

Fills the farthest reaches of space,

With love and healing and peace.

Until it compels our every act, every word,

Every breath.

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