What dreams?

What dreams trouble your rest, dear heart? Are you dreaming of the spinal tap, so long ago? The endless needle sticks for labs and iv’s? Of the Lifeflights, the ambulance rides? Are you dreaming of the surgeries and the long recoveries? The gasping for breath, reaching out your hands for air you could no longer…

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Defying gravity

The tide of your breath rises and falls; the ventilator, the moon, that gathers and  releases it. Another night in the hospital. Me by your bed, gazing at you and remembering, as you lay sleeping and dreaming your dreams. Memories come to me in silken images. You; in navy, rubber rain boots, the blue power…

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Running for Dan

I’ve been running since August.  I’ve always loved running, but haven’t been able to do it consistently since I had back surgery in my 20’s.  Fibromyalgia pain on top of that made running seem impossible.  My last race was the Hospital Hill 10k/Half-Marathon in 1987. (www.hospitalhillrun.com)  I never thought I’d run in a race again.…

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Diagnosis

Steps falter, grief hangs around my neck. “Run for us” the doctor’s say. Wobbling, almost falling, he runs. They are kind. “Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?” “Yes,” “Yes.” “Yes.” The doctor, holding a tiny giraffe, watches his eyes intently. Click, Click, Click it stands, it falls, it stands, it falls. My…

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The Write Life

The one thing I’ve done consistently throughout my life is write.  It has always been a source of pleasure as well as giving me a sense of accomplishment greater than anything else I’ve done.  There are formulas you can follow that will  insure you some measure of financial success as a writer, but most successful…

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New day, new job

Today I start work for the first time outside our home in two years.  I was up until 1:00, up again several times because of pain, and am now  hoping coffee will pry my eyes open enough that I won’t fall asleep during orientation.  A part of me wistfully wondered what it would be like…

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Losing battles

Confronting the reality of my son’s condition as fatal is a battle that has taken me to the brink of insanity over and over again.  Sometimes the grief is so heavy that I don’t think I can bear it another second.  Then Dan will cough or crack one of his jokes that make me howl…

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